Maybe there are answers...

As hard as it is for me to wrap my stubborn, independent mind around... there is the fact that God lives in the eternal and we live in the now. God looks at what is best in the big picture, and we stumble around in our day-to-day notions of fairness. I do believe that sometimes God allows things for the only reason that without it people would not look to God for help. There is no reason to call the doctor if you are not sick. We all are terribly sick, but some of us don't know it. Without feeling the pain, we have no clue of the cancer eating away at our insides...

"The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. YET He does NOT leave the guilty unpunished."

"Then Job replied to the Lord: I know that you can do all things; no plan of your can be thwarted... surely I spoke of things I did not understand.... my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

faith crisis....

I haven't written in here in a while. There are so many thoughts in my head... Funny how a person can be so very busy, but yet their mind just won't stop. My huge question I am wresting with is how come God doesn't step in and DO SOMETHING!? It seems I am surrounded by people who hurt others and there is nothing being done. Is God just, or does he just turn a deaf ear? I long for justice. If God does nothing, then who is going to stand up for those who are hurt? The deep down question that it goes to is there are so many people who cry out for God to help, and it seems like He doesn't. So why should he help me? If God doesn't protect other children, then why should he protect mine? Then there is the issue of answered prayer. I have prayed for some things for years and years, and there is seemingly no answer.

Maybe I need to quit watching the news, that these are isolated cases that I am blowing up in my head. Yet I am surrounded by friends, family, and others in my life who have been so deeply hurt and nothing has been done. I really wonder what the point is of even asking.

I feel so guilty. My life is so good. I am married to a husband who really loves me, and only me (not 7 other wives). My children are healthy, I am healthy. We have a great house, and soon will have another one. I have a wonderful extended family... Why me? Why does it seem God favors some, and let's other children be so badly abused? Then I feel bad for wanting some of the small things (like friends here would be nice) when others are just crying out to God for the people in their lives to stop hitting them!

After laying awake most of the night, the verse did come to my mind: "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." He has promised that the wicked will be punished, but come on already. He has promised that all our prayers will be answered... but again WHEN!?

I'm just so very pissed.

It used to be the running joke with some people I knew that I got everything I asked for. If someone wanted something, they would ask me to pray for it! I know Job asked God some huge questions and God shot back, who are you to demand of me?! I am asking... I have huge questions and I would like some answers...