faith crisis....

I haven't written in here in a while. There are so many thoughts in my head... Funny how a person can be so very busy, but yet their mind just won't stop. My huge question I am wresting with is how come God doesn't step in and DO SOMETHING!? It seems I am surrounded by people who hurt others and there is nothing being done. Is God just, or does he just turn a deaf ear? I long for justice. If God does nothing, then who is going to stand up for those who are hurt? The deep down question that it goes to is there are so many people who cry out for God to help, and it seems like He doesn't. So why should he help me? If God doesn't protect other children, then why should he protect mine? Then there is the issue of answered prayer. I have prayed for some things for years and years, and there is seemingly no answer.

Maybe I need to quit watching the news, that these are isolated cases that I am blowing up in my head. Yet I am surrounded by friends, family, and others in my life who have been so deeply hurt and nothing has been done. I really wonder what the point is of even asking.

I feel so guilty. My life is so good. I am married to a husband who really loves me, and only me (not 7 other wives). My children are healthy, I am healthy. We have a great house, and soon will have another one. I have a wonderful extended family... Why me? Why does it seem God favors some, and let's other children be so badly abused? Then I feel bad for wanting some of the small things (like friends here would be nice) when others are just crying out to God for the people in their lives to stop hitting them!

After laying awake most of the night, the verse did come to my mind: "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." He has promised that the wicked will be punished, but come on already. He has promised that all our prayers will be answered... but again WHEN!?

I'm just so very pissed.

It used to be the running joke with some people I knew that I got everything I asked for. If someone wanted something, they would ask me to pray for it! I know Job asked God some huge questions and God shot back, who are you to demand of me?! I am asking... I have huge questions and I would like some answers...

2 1/2 Weeks until listing day...

Our "to-do" list is progressively getting shorter. Dave is working SO HARD. He works all day at the office, comes home and plays with the kids for an hour, then goes outside and works until dark.

We looked at property two days ago. Fell in love with a place 10 miles south of here. It's 5 acres, and is bordered on 2 sides by farmland. The back side has a 20 foot canyon with a creek at the bottom. There are views of the mountains on three sides. I'm scared to death my kids would find the canyon, but that it's a bit far back there. We've also looked at modular home plans. So exciting, the thought of getting something BRAND NEW!

Last night I made jambalaya for supper. Yumm! This week is the week of family favorites. Jambalaya, Mexican lasagna, bar-b-qued ribs... I'm a good cook, if I have to say so myself.

Question of the day, what do you do when you really like someone as a friend but can NOT stand their kid? Especially when that kid pushes and shoves and hits and is just downright mean to your children?

To do list...

So we found out today that we need to list our house on April 15th. Does that date sound familiar to anyone?! That happens to be the DUE DATE OF TAX SEASON! Ahhh! However, you either make April 15th and get your house into the spring/summer catalogue, or you don't. Sooo... we have to...

1. Tear out and build a new front porch.
2. Install new front porch columns and side rails.
3. Replace the back door.
4. Scrape and repaint the exterior windows.
5. Put up a chain link fence across the back half of our yard (to pen in the dog)
6. Pack up all the extra stuff in our house to make it seem larger.
7. AND touch up paint anything that needs it in the interior of the house.

I'm slightly stressed. Just slightly as it is tax season still. Wow!

Elyana though declared the other day that we need to get a new house with a purple front door. She wants a purple bedroom with one wall painted hearts and one wall painted cars. Then she declared that we should have a yellow kitchen and a pink laundry room.

Spring...

My children are seriously the happiest children in the world. This laughing face I see all day! :) Elyana usually greets me in the morning with "MOMMY it's a BRAND NEW DAY!" Which is why I love time change. For a couple blessed weeks they sleep in until 7:30 or maybe 8:00. wow... A few minutes to myself.

I should be exercising in the mornings, but I hate hate hate working out to a video. They are so incredibly boring. And then you have to take a shower and there are two little critters who really don't want you in the bathroom for that long. It's much easier to get up, get ready, start my day, then after lunch load them into a stroller and go for a long jaunt in the fresh air. Hey, with both of them and the stroller it's a combined weight of 70+lbs. That has to count for something right!? I must be as strong as an ox though as we walk every day for at least an hour and it doesn't do much of anything to the number on the scales.

One more month of tax season. Last night I planted 160 gladiolus bulbs, and 80 daffodils; today I have to finish with the 80 daffodil bulbs I have left. I am so ready for spring. Today I am wearing capris and a t-shirt, even though it's projected to be all of 39 degrees and raining today. Ha!

I bought a BOZ preschool activity book for Elyana. It has 25 lessons, each with 5 activities. We do "school" every morning now. She loves it! I'm pretty proud of her. She is three and already knows all her colors, shapes, most of her letters, numbers... We go back and forth wether to homeschool or send her to a Christian private school. The latter option is very expensive, but I think she would just love the whole "school" thing. I did. Either way this fall we are putting away tuition money every month so that if we do send her to school we can prepay the whole year. Yikes!

Gotta go get my coffee...